STOP Looking at the Internet for ANSWERS!
Do you keep looking out at the internet for what everyone else is doing in their career? Stop it! Right this minute…STOP!
For the last 10 years, I have been looking on FB, on the internet at what everyone else was doing in the hopes of finding my “right” next offering, my next thing! I have literally put myself into debt taking courses that promised to increase my income by 50-100% or more in the coming year! And, I believed every promotion that I came across, believing that THEY could help me to figure out what was going to both make more money while also bringing me more satisfaction in my work. The problem was, NOBODY ever sat me down and asked me the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF ALL: HAVE YOU SAT WITH YOURSELF AND LISTENED TO WHAT YOU DEEPLY WANT TO DO? WHAT DO YOU SOULFULLY WANT TO CREATE? WHAT HONESTLY IS PULLING YOU DEEP INISDE?
I was so HYPNOTIZED by their AMAZING MARKETIKNG, that I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: ME!!! MY SOUL. MY PURPOSE. MY DESIRES.
I was so convinced that I was doing it all wrong, that I only looked outside myself to try and figure it(my life) all out. Additionally, when I did attempt to listen inside of myself, I was listening to the wrong voice inside of me, namely, the JUDGER, the one who tells me I am doing everything WRONG! And, I also was plagued by my father’s voice who told me, as I was growing up, on a weekly basis, “You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit and you’ll never amount to anything.” As hard as I worked in therapy to heal this voice and many others, my being was still deeply affected by my father’s abusive and controlling voice.
The combination lead me to assume everyone outside of me knew better than I knew what would make me more money and most importantly what would make me happy, satisfied and deeply fulfilled in my work.
I diligently shelled out thousands of dollars, did the work and at the end of the course, end up exactly where I began or in some cases even worse off, feeling utterly confused, stupid and broken. Even though I generally consider myself a smart woman and I am, these courses would often make me feel stupid. Stupid because, after 22 years in private practice, I still didn’t have an email list, stupid because I didn’t understand all their language and abbreviations, stupid because I fucking can’t create shit on Canva, stupid because I hate writing newsletters, stupid because I didn’t fit their model which promised all the money in the world and success, stupid because under their system, I was an unorganized misfit! I didn’t fit their model. I didn’t fit! A feeling that rose up from my past and resonated deeply in the belief system of my entire childhood. There was something so wrong with me that I didn’t fit! There was something so deeply wrong with me that even after investing far too many thousands of dollars, and so much time thinking, I still couldn’t figure out what the hell to do with my career that would make me happy! All the while watching others SOAR into STARDOM on the internet, STARDOM in their bank accounts, and STARDOM with their CLIENTS!
It never dawned on me in those years to STOP and go inside of myself. It never dawned on me that I was so unique that I was never going to fit other people’s models of marketing, models of working. It never occurred to me to literally STOP and go inside where all of my PERFECT ANSWERS FOR ME were waiting. I was too afraid of losing ground, even though I clearly was losing ground by beating my head against the wall and beating myself up through comparison. I wanted to WIN ! I wanted to be a WINNER! And in my world view, WINNERS do not QUIT and they definitely didn’t STOP!
So I pushed and I pushed and I pushed until I was overwhelmed, exhausted and $25,000 in CREDIT CARD DEBT paying other people to tell me WHO I SHOULD BECOME and what the hell was going to MAKE ME HAPPY!
ALLOW me to save you 20 years of misery and a great deal of debt! And STOP looking outside yourself for the answers to your life. ALL the ANSWERS IS SITTING DEEP INSIDE OF YOU, please TRUST me on this!
And, I want you to TRUST the DIVINE TIMNING OF YOUR LIFE TO UNFOLD.
Now, I know I can hear some of you SCREAMING AT ME, “So, I’m just supposed to sit here and wait till I’m grey?!”
“What if the answers never come?”
“You want me to wait till I’m old to understand myself?”
No, none of your fears are even close to what I have in mind for you!
Learning about you is about to become a full-time job and your most important job you’ll ever have!
“But Ellen, I have to support myself and my family, I can’t just quit my day job!”
I totally understand and want you to keep your day job while you take on this new job as well!
Here’s what I suggest instead of quitting your day job! Commit to learning about yourself in small doable baby-steps:
Take 5 minutes every day and the beginning of your day and at the end of your day and sit quietly with yourself. At first you may hear a lot of static, a lot of noise in your head about what you’re supposed to be doing etc. Gently thank those voices and persist in sitting quietly with yourself. As you do this over time those LOUD voices will begin to CALM and will eventually become QUIET.
Begin to ask yourself these questions: What brings me JOY? What makes me feel happy inside of myself? What do I LOVE to do?
When you discover an answer to these questions jot them down in a journal we’ll call a Discovery Journal.
Be PATIENT. Answers will come over time.
TRUST the process of self-discovery.
Any answer is a VALID answer even and especially if it goes up against everything you have thought about yourself up to this point, or anything you’ve been told (ie: You can’t be an Artist as all artists are poor or drunks or whatever the judgment is.)
Do this everyday for the next 3 months, then recommit for another 3 months and another and another for the next year….I GUARENTEE you, YOU will be a different person at the end of this YEAR!
CONGRATULATIONS for making this AMAZING COMMITMENT TO YOUR TRUE INNER GROWTH. I PROMISE YOU IT WILL LEAD TO INCREDIBLE INNER AND OUTER GROWTH IN YOUR LIFE.
GET READY FOR AN AMAZING JOURNEY.
IF you have any questions or would love support in your life journey, feel free to send me questions, comments or requests for an appointment with me personally.
Here’s to an amazing year ahead!
With Joy,
Ellen